9 Aug 2007
Well the wash-up from Altoona has been interesting. As it turns out
the week did get a little better with some ok results. Trent
and myself both getting a 4th place each and Neil recovering from
his early crash to finish 8th on the big mountain stage. Shortly
after my last diary entry I came to the realization that maybe it
wasn’t the smartest of moves I ever made. Regardless of the reasons
for my frustrations my comments were definitely a little on the
unprofessional side. Our Jittery Joe's team has some great and hard
working staff that really put a lot of time and effort in to our
racing program, and sometimes that effort does go unrealized and
unappreciated. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say, but at this
stage of the game there’s no going back, but out of all of this
negativeness there has been some good come out of it.
This year has been pretty tough on me mentally. My pre-season was great and went really well. My early season was the complete opposite, I couldn’t get out of my own way. I put my head down and worked hard and finally things were starting to come around, only to break my wrist for the 2nd time in 2 years. A great recovery meant I was back on the bike much sooner than anybody had anticipated and I was really looking forward to getting back with my teammates and doing some racing. The racing was up and down early probably more down than up, which led me to a pretty decent mid-season slump; at which point I actually really started to think about throwing in the towel. I didn’t even feel like racing, which is the best thing that I love about this sport and have always loved since I started way back in the late 80’s. My lack of motivation to race really had me thinking, why the hell am I doing this?
And so on and so on I turned up to race at least in body but not necessarily in mind. Until Altoona. I was determined to get through the race and to do some good work for my teammates. I thought it would be a long shot to try and get a result, so my focus was definitely on trying to do my best for my guys to help get them the results that they needed. My being so frustrated with the race and situation has actually really turned things around for me. Being so fired up has actually made me realize that my fire is definitely burning brighter than ever. I just need to focus it in a different direction.
I have found in the past that the source of any problem that I have ever had with team management and or teammates is that I care too much. I care too much about my cycling. I care too much about the success of my team. I care too much about the success of my teammates. Without caring, I just wouldn’t care. Anything would then just be water off a ducks back. Fortunately and unfortunately sometimes, I think I care so much that I get blinded by my own caring for things to be done right and done well that I lose sight of the fact that people are involved and people are people and people make mistakes, myself included. I’d be the first to admit my own mistakes. Maybe I should have got my bike sent to me so the airline didn’t lose it. Maybe I should have attacked Dominguez before the last corner at Boise. Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and not have an opinion. But things happen, some good some bad, the only thing to do is give it an oh well and move on.
So in the midst of all of this I am really looking
forward to the rest of the seasons racing. This past weekend was
definitely up and down. We raced well on Friday night as Tim
the toolman Henry got up for a win in Statesville. The team on
the whole rode and awesome race in Charlotte, except for myself who
had a fairly disgusting performance, and then Sunday in
Winston-Salem the boys once again rode a great race and got me up
for a 2nd place. With Elk Grove coming up this weekend and then
Downers Grove I think the legs are on the upswing so hopefully me
and the boys will be able to rustle some feathers and get some runs
on the board.